Autobiography

I was asked today to write a short autobiography to go on the company website. This is what I wrote:

Barry van Oudtshoorn hails from the snow-clad plains of the Serengeti delta. Overcoming his debilitating muteness (Barry was born without a larynx), he has become an accomplished ventriloquist and master orator. He has presided over Presidential coming-of-age ceremonies and the marriages of seventeen Catholic priests, both in Uzbekistan and abroad.

The winner of the inaugural bi-annual toothbrush-depilation contest in 2010 (and a runner up the year before that), Barry leads a quiet life. Despite being married to Ariel, he has led a comfortable and well-cooked life. Barry enjoys making jellies wobble and cutting his toenails.

I’m not sure that this will be what goes up, though…